Make Empathy Great Again - Fighting the War On Kindness

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I know I am broken when I am staring at a picture of a chicken and tears are welling up in my eyes.

Yes, the bird is beautiful, but it’s not that. I am emotional, because things that are gentle and kind penetrate my punk rock armor. I had to become hard to fight this war, and I have tried to do so without losing my humanity. And yet.

We need to make empathy great again.

The chicken that moved me came from Joyce Vance’s latest Civil Discourse, Monday Is for Chickens. While staring into the side eye of Ruth, I felt the tears approaching. The bird is so gattdang beautiful. As is Angelica with the bouffant and the juvie Scotch. Harry the Cat looks like a fine chap, and I am grateful to have made their virtual acquaintance.

I was not aware of Vance’s writings, until I realized that an inordinate number of my subscribers also subscribe to her Substack. Reading her work is like walking into a series midseason, but knowing all the players so feeling right at home. She is a brilliant legal analyst, but it’s the chickens.

Anyone who read my latest writing in Byline Supplement, Confessions of a ‘Fox Blonde’, will know that wild birds played a big part in getting me out of broadcast news. They literally love bombed me away from the scene of the crime and into becoming a birder. I wrote about that transformation more in-depth in Fox Undercover, my novella about a bad break up from TV news. What I thought was a newsporny memoirish, turns out is a comedy, judging by the reviews coming in. I find that remarkable, because when I wrote it 10 years ago, I was very depressed. Lol.

Along with Vance’s lovely feathered friends, I am grateful for the ‘tails of two cats’ soap opera unfolding on Twitter by the account of Dave Krantz (@weskrantz), who has been documenting a stray cat he found on Christmas Eve, who he named Finn, and its antics with the O.G. family cat, Mia. Finn has the most beautiful tiger striping around his eyes, and ears that stick out like too-big towers, and Mia is unbelievably beautiful—with her two-tone facial coloring divided right down the center of her face. Mia, who was put off by Finn’s arrival, can teach us a lot about relationships, which I wrote on Dave’s feed:

Heidi Cuda @Heidi_Cuda

@weskrantz Mia has taught us all a lesson in restraint. Fools rush in and she vetted through the side eye and the hairy eyeball for a good long while, proceeding with caution until she was certain there were no signs of alien spaceships. Lol

Now, Mia and Finn are chasing each other around his home, jumping in and out of boxes and although Finn knows Mia is the boss, they have come to some sort of detente. That is the content I am here for.

As I wrote, Twitter is broken - Musk broke it - and as my podcast partner Jim Stewartson says, we are behind enemy lines, which is even more the reason we need to make empathy great again.

As I noted on the latest Ep of RadPod and in my column here, Kindness Is Contagious. If everyone can remember to be a bit kinder in this time of heightened stress it has a ripple effect.

We can create virtuous circles with each act of kindness, as a counterpunch to the toxic people trying to harm our world. Yes, we have to defeat authoritarianism that is being promoted by toxic people - we have to take action, it does not go away on its own - but we can be decent people at the same time.

Authoritarians sell fear, despair, distortion, distraction, despondency, and more fear.

“It’s a war on kindness,” said my podcast partner Jim. “This is people trying to eliminate the idea that it is good to be kind to others… It is never frivolous or woo to bring up the idea of being empathetic or kind.”

Thanks Jim.

Kind words coming from tough guys also slay me.

For an illustration of what Jim means about the war on kindness, I refer you to Ruth Ben-Ghiat’s latest Lucid column.

As always, it’s a brilliant look back in history to signal what we need to know today. She takes us back to fascist Italy and explains how Mussolini covered his fascism with the veneer of democracy and why he did it - money, of course.

She posted a photo that will stick to my bones until the end times. She showed the death mask that Mussolini hung in the Palazzo Braschi in Rome in 1934. In no uncertain terms, it hung like an ominous threat in the center of Rome - a Kabuki demon mask - that cast an evil fascist eye on the people.

The strongmen know what they are doing, and they are trying to destroy our empathy.

I spent the weekend visiting friends - hard to do when I’m feverishly building this magazine. I am an avowed workaholic and literally have to force myself to carve out time for self care. Visiting people I love is an act of self-care. Being around those who nurture my soul is good.

I went to visit my artist friend Shirley, whose home is a living, breathing, art project. Everything she touches turns to art. And she blessed me with an original painting from a series of women she created during the pandemic lockdown. I am looking at Missy Corona 19 right now, and she is bringing me exquisite joy.

I also made time to have dinner with my friend Roger, a former conservative who hates Trump’s guts. Roger has enriched my life with music and historic books, and he never stops giving. He is a friend who gives and gives and gives, and never asks for anything in return. Not once. Just enjoys a few minutes of my company.

This weekend, he gave me a big bag of citrus from his various trees - navel oranges, meyer lemons, grapefruits - and even some pomegranates. He also gave me a CD of the Hilary Hahn encores, because he knows I am mad about violinists. He also gave me Itzhak Perlman performing Paganini.

But he had a plot in mind. He knows I love classical music, but don’t connect with the old timey singing. It’s driven him slightly mad that I didn’t fawn over some Ralph Vaughn Williams CDs he gave me, because the English composer is Roger’s favorite. I appreciated the music but not the singing, which I told him I found as corny as Handel’s “Messiah.” I prefer the more metal composers.

Well, over a dinner of tamales, beans, and homemade taco sauce, I got schooled on Ralph Vaughn Williams. And there was no question - there were moments of exquisite beauty in the choral pieces. In addition, I now have a PhD in Ralph Vaughn Williams. He sneaks in the lessons during banter about food and politics.

So back to my original thesis.

We are being stripped daily of our empathy - we live in a 24/7 news cycle of pain and exploitation. If it bleeds, it leads. Empathy and kindness are not rewarded. Narcissism and cold calculations seem to be the prized possessions of the billionaires we battle, and the Big Business that supports them.

And yet and yet and yet, we have the power to do something about that. We elected a President who is a decent chap. We ousted a malignant narcissist who wraps himself in the flag while doing Putin’s bidding.

We should be proud of our accomplishments. As Ruth has taught me, ousting a dictator in the process of autocratic capture is rare, but she also taught me that once a country gets a thirst for a dictator, it is hard to quench.

So let’s keep our eye on the fight, but let’s keep our hearts kind and empathetic and filled with good and beautiful things - friends, chickens, art, music, films, books, felines, whatever brings you joy.

As Joyce Vance says, we’re in this together.

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Bette Dangerous is a reader-funded magazine. Thank you to all monthly, annual, and founding members. Thank you as well to all those who support my work with coffee tips and who buy my books! My reflection, Confessions of a ‘Fox Blonde’ was just published in Byline Supplement. In a review of my latest ebook, the erotic novella Fox Undercover, I’ve been called “The punk rock Anaïs Nin.” Save the date: the next Bette Dangerous ‘Speakeasy’ Zoom for paid members is Sunday, 2/12 🤍. Who will be our special guest? 🤔😘.

(Image: ‘Fairy Princess’ painting by Shirley Sacks)